Before I got married, I was single for a long time. Like Falz would say, I was "single to stupor "
and it was almost deliberate. First of all, the equation was alway just off. I met many great guys my age whom I did not connect with and many I connected with but were absolutely wrong for me and vice versa, yes I know, the age-old dilemma. Secondly, if the predominant models I saw in the society were anything to go by, I was simply not interested. "What were the models like?"
you may ask. Oh well, you know the template…men and women married but are in fact life-long room mates who are dutifully but "uninspiringly" committed to one another. And they do it in the now-that-we-are-married-as-expected-of-us-let-us-have-kids-raise-them-pay bills-and-grow-old-together . Me, I was not having any of that societal template. I was perfectly happy as single woman until I got the willingly-lets-live-and-maximise-this life-together-in-our-own unique-way relationship.
Until that time came, I was rather content with my status to the natural displeasure of my parents. I tell people that it was when my contentment hit the top percentile that I met my husband and because I had had plenty of time to figure out what I would like my life to be like, it was easy to both connect with him and discover he was right for me which brings me to 3 reasons why being single is a good place to be, believe it or not.
- You can live life on your terms.
I, recently, discovered the reason why some middle-aged people and above don’t smile in pictures or generally, loll. There are too many bills to pay! House rent, school fees, utility bills, mortgage payments, taxes, an annoying, boss , an annoying staff member, the pressure is real guys and for many , the bills are multiplied or exist because they are married and have a family.
It takes a lot to build a life with someone, you can’t up and quit that job you hate and start the business of your dreams out of the blue or jump on a last minute flight deal to your dream vacation spot. It’s not impossible but it will take you time and heavy planning and budgeting. It's literally the definition of “Boys( and girls) are not smiling” If you were a free agent, it would be easier.You can up and go for that coveted masters abroad without worrying about how to sort the kids or leaving your spouse to loneliness and temptation and stuff like that. You can do many things with less stress so why are you walking around like a second class citizen, please girl, hold your head up high and smash those glass ceilings while you still can and at record speed too with time and money to spare.
Please, gentlemen and ladies, see the world, travel, enjoy the sights so well, by the time the family and the kids come into the picture, school term dates will clash with your feasible leave period and you know the drill. It really has to be worth it to go through all the logistics drama.
I always tell my friends tongue-in-cheek that those gorgeous wedding suits and dresses are, in fact, work uniforms and that weddings are all a set-up for the truckload of mind-boggling work to come loll!
- Build your wisdom base.
Many married couples will grudgingly admit that they would do things differently if they knew what they know now about themselves and what they wanted out of life, their career, of marriage etc.
There is much to learn about our respective purposes in life, about doing business, making money and investing , about human nature that it is in fact a plus to figure those things out as a single person. A friend once said, a young lady should get a job, hold the job down , manage her boss and stakeholders sucessfully before getting married. She explained that the managerial skills gotten on the job will highly required in her home.Oh well, I didn’t get it until I got married myself. For both sexes, there are several balls to juggle at every point and you need the managerial skills of a CEO to hold things down successfully on all fronts.
Like a CEO, you must understand the daily workings of your ship, Marketing, Finance and budgeting, HR, Operations, all even if you're not directly involved. Your Intelligence Quotient will be tested, so will your Emotional Intelligence and your Crisis Management and Decision making skills?
I can't tell you how many times my skills have been tested and how many times I've fallen below par, we keep learning and re-learning.
- You have the chance to choose.
Yes, you still have a chance to make a great choice with all the wisdom you have gleaned above.Yes it may be lonely sometimes and surely it would be great to share your burdens with someone but sometimes, married people are the loneliest. And I mean no disrespect to the institution when I say this as a joyful beneficiary. A lot of times, though, our spouses mean well but are not available, able or equipped to meet our deepest, innermost needs for comfort, wisdom , courage and hope simply becaise they are human. To be honest , only God can fill those needs on the worst days and we need to be realistic to with our expectations
According to a relationship expert, Lape soetan, “a lot of women settle because they think they have no choice…” which is the unfortunate truth for both sexes but you always have a choice, even if that choice is to GET A JOB or pursue an education or take on that new role or build that empire putting in all the crazy hours while you wait. Trust me, a single person has more options open to him and can explore them. A lot of people are living better, more purposeful lives as singles because they made the choice to stay single until the right one comes along.
There is something to be said for the support you get from a spouse but the independent nature of the single person allows him to travel light for a while. I’m in no way against the institution of marriage, I’m in fact sharing with this to encourage a single person to enjoy his life on the way to becoming a family man, wife and mother. All other things will fall in place when you sort yourself out first.