So it hit us recently, that we have been married for 5 years, we didn’t realize that much time had passed, lol. We received and appreciated so many calls and messages on Social Media telling us how we have inspired others and so on. So, when I was thinking of what to share on the blog today, I decided on five things I’ve learned in the past five years.
- A good marriage is from the Lord.
I said this because God doesn’t give you a spouse and leave you to it. He’s the glue that holds you together when you should be falling apart.
So God has helped you find someone, great! He’s the one whom will help you keep your marriage alive and healthy because life gets in the way of a good marriage typically. There are careers to build, bills to pay, children to raise etc and it gets really exhausting for the best of couples.
There will be seasons in which you guys are doing nothing for each or that you are too (genuinely) busy or tired to see your spouse hurting or neglected. It has happened to us these 5 years but we have remained a tight because of His intervention.We really can't take credit for that!
Don’t leave God at the altar. Take Him along.
- Marry your best friend.
As corny as it may sound, it’s the recipe for the success. My hubby complains playfully that I “chewing gum” him a lot. It simply means I like to be around him. We could be driving around for hours or walking on the street for hours and I would be perfectly happy emotionally as if were on a romantic cruise and he got me diamond earrings. There’s nothing like really “liking" your spouse and not just “loving” him. On many days, it’s the like that kicks in when the “love” is buried under your many obligations.
We have so many inside jokes and code words for the silliest of things. We also have a lot of "see-your-big -head moments and loads of goofy gestures. Those are the kinds of things you have with your best friend. My friends, you need that on the days marriage should be a routine. Those little jokes have put repeated smiles on our faces, when there was no money or no “ explosive" lovey dovey" feelings. They say time flies when you’re having fun I guess that’s why we feel no time has passed in the last 5 years.
Being with your best friend also means you're not afraid to argue, disagree and have those difficult conversations from time to time.It also means being vulnerable to show your less-than- good side as well and accept their help.
- Make your own rules.
One thing that attracted us to each other was the fact that we didn’t want “cliched” lives. Before we met , both of us knew to a large extent what we wanted and what we didn’t want. We, in fact, had ridiculous ideas about some issues.
So when I would speak to him in the first week of our friendship, he would say something that aligned with the personal script I had written for myself, I knew there was something there.
Anyway, we made our own rules,
- No big fancy wedding, great fun honeymoon
- No kids first year
- No templates, our life, our way.
- Establish your values and trash them out.
I’m a writer and so I would jot things we needed to discuss on our dates. The dating period is a very serious time, not a time to simulate every experience. You need to make time to discuss issues and interrogate the other person – what are his views on faith finances? What’s his vision for his life? What does he or she hope to do with her career? etc.
- Things will not be perfect all of the time, learn to be happy irrespective.
I can tell you for free that we have many issues that need work, many areas we are still believing God on but we have, collectively found and made our peace with them while we work to improve. Marriage brings a lot of interesting things your way and you need to learn to happy and joyful irrespective of them (Except of course, its on borderline issues of violence and others, please seek counsel)
Obviously, we have learnt, many other things but this are the major ones in a nutshell.