Here’s one of the most important relationships you MUST have.

In a world where everyone is eloquent on social media, sharing daily quotes: Follow your dream , and prove the haters wrong , Keep calm and take over the world, #motivated, #motivationalmondays, #YOLO, #Goals and so on, I find something a little curious.

We work hard at becoming, at getting to positions of influence, we work hard at our relationships and our networking. We read books on how to lead others, how to meet the one and how to keep him or her. Members of our network mean so much to us. We have lunch with them, interact with them, attend their events, support their causes and all that. Those things are great But, let me ask you something. What is your relationship like with yourself?


It just struck me while watching an Oprah interview that there’s a whole lot going on inside of each of us, which the world will never know about. We have got internal stuff to take care of. Before you step out and conquer, here are a few questions needing answers:

 Do you believe in yourself?
Do you know yourself?
Do you acknowledge yourself?
Do you like yourself?
Do you love yourself?
Do you talk to yourself?
Do you tell yourself the truth as much as you can?
Do you speak to yourself?
Do you care about yourself
Do you encourage yourself?
Do you build yourself up?
Do you take care of yourself?
Are you there for yourself?
Do you forgive yourself?
Are you happy with yourself?
Do you respect yourself?
Are you investing in yourself?
Are you listening to yourself?

Each of us needs to learn to sit down with ourselves and have difficult but real, discussions, positive and empowering conversations with ourselves. Then, and only then, do we have a fighting chance at whatever it is that matters to us whether its our jobs, businesses, relationships, network and the world at large. We have become too familiar with ourselves and, like the saying goes, contempt sets in. You think its no big deal you know what you know, because you think everybody knows it too. No! The same principle applies to your beauty, you don’t think you look good because you’ve seen yourself too many times and you feel, there’s nothing new or special to you. And it shows up when we look at photographs or videos of ourselves. We are too sensitive, I don’t like this picture, why do I look like that? you say. Oh well, not everybody has the exact same set of experiences as you or the same gifts, talents and exposure.

If you don’t believe in yourself first, no one else will be able to believe in you. If you don’t love yourself, no one else will. If you don’t respect yourself, no one will respect you and it goes on. You need to take care of all you want first on the inside before you can practically do anything on the outside, be it getting a new job, marrying your soul mate, starting a business, raising a family. If you are not ok, you cannot get anything done.


When you have a fruitful relationship with yourself, below are just a few of the benefits:

  1. You will treat yourself better and others will follow suit.
  2. You will be strong enough to handle anything life throws at it and life is quite the batterer from time to time
  3. You will achieve success and nothing will be impossible for you.
  4. You will have great relationships with others. No man is an island
  5. You will dress and look better. This is one of my favs! When you dress well, even the sky is not the limit.
  6. Your world will be better.

What to do?

Spend time with yourself alone… Be home alone, travel alone, sleep alone, visit the spa, take a walk, meditate, and confess positive things about yourself.

Take control of your time and your daily thoughts, don’t allow the craziness in the environment take your sanity and joy away. Get rid of toxic relationships where you feel less than yourself and your confidence is taken away.

If you are going to set out to take on the world; you must take on yourself and be ok with yourself. Like I said before, if you don’t take a chance on yourself, no one will take a chance on you.


By Ayodotun Rotimi Akinfenwa


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  1. Beautiful beautiful post. It makes plenty sense. I always say that “you can’t give what you don’t have”. We can’t completely be better in our daily lives and relationships when we haven’t mastered who we are. The best gift you can give to those you love is to give to yourself first!!! Well done Sis

  2. Good piece about having the right relationship with yourself…though it takes a lot to completely get rid of the noise in our head and around us. Praying, exercise and meditation are useful tools to guide us into loving ourselves.

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